Omugwo: Your Mum or His Mum?
Your mum offers to come. His mum offers to come. Both of them mean well. Pick what you would do in nine omugwo dilemmas and find out which team you are on.
One thing to settle in each dilemma
If you are struggling after birth
Many mums feel low or overwhelmed after a baby, and you do not have to carry it alone. Talk to your doctor, your midwife or a counsellor. In Nigeria you can call the Mentally Aware Nigeria Initiative (MANI) on 0809 111 6264. If you ever have thoughts of harming yourself or your baby, treat it as an emergency and get help immediately. Our Mind Check-in is a place to start.
When to see a doctor
Omugwo is care. It does not replace your postpartum checks at the clinic. Do not skip an appointment or wait out something that worries you because your mother is in the house. Our postpartum warning signs guide sets out what needs a doctor the same day.
How the Omugwo: Your Mum or His Mum? quiz works
You will see nine omugwo dilemmas that Nigerian families know well, from who comes first to who runs the kitchen. Pick the answer closest to what you would do. Your picks give you a team. There are no votes to count here, so choose for yourself.
- Read one situation at a time.
- Pick the answer closest to you.
- See your result.
- Send it to the group chat.
What your result means
Your result shows the team that appears most in your answers. Every team here respects both families. Omugwo is a gift of time and care from a mother or mother-in-law, and no team is better than the others. The right answer is the one you and your husband agree on, and the one that both mothers hear from you early and with love.
- Team My Mum. You feel most at ease with your own mother, and that matters in the weeks after birth. Tell your husband and his mother early and warmly, so his family feels included, and find a part of the month that is theirs.
- Team His Mum. You want to honour his family and follow the elder in the house. That can build a strong bond with his mother. Say what you need out loud too, because she can only help with what she knows.
- Team Both. You want both families in. That takes planning: dates, roles and one person who explains the plan to everyone. If you agree it before the baby arrives, both mothers will feel valued.
- Team Just Us, thank you. You want to find your feet as a family first, with visits instead of a long stay. You are choosing a quiet start, and that rejects nobody. Tell both mothers early what you would love from them, so they can still be part of it.
For the full story of omugwo, read our omugwo guide. To share the load at home, try the Partner Support Planner.
Common questions
Is one team better than the others?
What if my mother-in-law and my mum both want to come?
What if neither mother can come?
Does omugwo replace my postpartum checks?
Is this private?
Where this comes from
- Ịmụgwọ as unpaid labour? The perceptions of postpartum care among Igbo women. National Library of Medicine, PubMed Central.
- Omugwo: a celebration of motherhood. Hektoen International.
- The effect of omugwo on postpartum wellbeing in Nigerian mothers. Missing Perspectives.
- 5 Nigerian Women on Their Postpartum Experiences. Zikoko.
Read this alongside our editorial policy and medical policy.
Go further
The 6-Week Postpartum Reset
The guided program for your body, your marriage, and your mind after birth, plus a community of mums and a resource library you keep, one payment. Start when you are ready.
Explore The 6-Week Postpartum Reset →