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Delulu or Clear-Eyed?

He watched your story and did not reply. He said "we'll see" when you asked about meeting your parents. Pick what you would do in ten talking-stage situations and find out if you are delulu, clear-eyed, or somewhere between.

Illustration of Tolu
1. He watched your story but did not reply. What do you do?
2. You ask if he will meet your parents. He says, "We'll see." What do you do?
3. He only calls after 11pm. What do you do?
4. He says he is "not ready for a relationship" but wants to keep talking. What do you do?
5. He sends "good morning" every day, then disappears for three days. What do you do?
6. Months in, you find out his friends have never heard of you. What do you do?
7. He sends a voice note calling you "my person" but will not say what you two are. What do you do?
8. He cancels plans at the last minute for the third time, with a good reason each time. What do you do?
9. He leaves your message on read, then posts on his own status. What do you do?
10. Two weeks in, he says, "You are different from the others." What do you do?

What a clear-eyed woman does in each one

    These are made-up situations. They are here for fun and conversation, and they say nothing about any man you know. Real people have more context than four answers can hold. Your picks stay on your phone. Nothing is saved or sent anywhere.

    If a man is not safe

    If a man controls you, threatens you or hurts you, believe what you are seeing and tell someone you trust. If you are in immediate danger, call 112. For confidential help in Nigeria, reach out to WARIF, the Mirabel Centre, or the Lagos State DSVA; in the diaspora, your local domestic-abuse helpline.

    Cynthia Obinatu Written by Cynthia Obinatu, community and editorial lead

    How the Delulu or Clear-Eyed? quiz works

    You will see ten talking-stage situations that Nigerian women know well, from the unanswered story to the "we'll see". Pick the answer closest to what you would do. Your picks show where you sit between delulu and clear-eyed.

    1. Read one situation at a time.
    2. Pick the answer closest to you.
    3. See your result.
    4. Send it to the group chat.

    What your result means

    Sometimes hope fills in what a man has not said. Sometimes caution closes the door too quickly. Your result shows which one you do more. It is not a verdict on you or on any man you are talking to, and it does not tell you what to decide. Delulu is not silly, and clear-eyed is not cold. The middle is where most good decisions are made.

    • Certified delulu. You hear a maybe and plan the wedding. Your hope is lovely, and right now it is doing the work his actions should be doing. Next time he is vague, ask him one direct question before you decide what it means.
    • Hopeful, one eye open. You give people room and you wait to see if his actions match his words. That is a good start. Put a date on the waiting, so hope does not turn into six months, and ask when you are unsure.
    • Clear-eyed and still soft. You listen to what he says and you watch what he does. When something does not add up, you ask the question instead of guessing. Keep doing that, and keep letting good men in.
    • Case closed. You do not wait around for a man to make up his mind, and you do not accept nonsense. Sometimes you close the door before he has had a chance to explain. Ask one question before you leave, so you go for the right reason.

    If you are in a talking stage that confuses you, read our talking stage guide for the questions worth asking, or try the Situationship Checker.

    Common questions

    Does delulu mean I am silly?
    No. Delulu is hope running ahead of the facts. Most women have been there. The quiz is for fun, and every result comes with a way to use it.
    Is clear-eyed always better?
    Not always. Clear-eyed with a soft heart works well. Closing the door before he can explain can cost you a good man. The best place is usually in the middle.
    Does this tell me if he likes me?
    No. It shows how you tend to read signals. Only his actions over time show how he feels, so ask him directly when you are unsure.
    Is this private?
    Yes. Your picks stay on your phone. If you share your result, the link and the picture show your result only, never your picks.

    Where this comes from

    This page is about relationships. Read it alongside our editorial policy.

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